Link gets disturbed
by Religion0
Summary: Just a short humour one-shot I made up while playing OoT. Now a bucket of one-shots.
1. Skultula

**I own nothing.**

Link looked surprised at the spider, which had just jumped down in front of him. He sighed and pulled out his hookshot, ready to kill it.

Suddenly the skultula dropped to the floor, pulled a hat out of nowhere, put it on its head, and started dancing and singing some ridiculous song.

"What… the… he…?" Navi asked, looking slightly disturbed.

Link's eyes widened, then he turned and ran screaming out of temple.

"He he." the skultula grinned, rubbing two of its legs together. "I knew that would work."

**The skultula was smart? Cool!**


	2. Stalfos

**I still don't own a thing.**

Navi and Link walked through the next temple, still a little disturbed after the last encounter, when suddenly they fell through a hole.

"Holy, it worked?!" a stallfos asked incredulously, looking into the hole. "My cousin was _right?_ He's normally never right.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Link and Navi shouted, somehow jumping out of the hole, and ran unimaginable fast out of the temple, through every wall standing in their path.

"YES! They're gone! PARTY!" the stalfos, who's name is Joe ('cause I can do that) shouted.

And so all the monsters gathered in the boss's lair, dancing to some sort of pop music.

"Woo hoot!" Joe shouted, and did some highly embarrassing moves for his family. "This rocks! Let's invite Link and Navi!"

Then somebody dragged said people in; after a few hours of running screaming around in circles, Link and Navi both started dancing along with the evil guys.

"You guys are good!" somebody shouted over the noise of the music.

**That was so funny to write!**

**Navi: Get her!**

**Me: AHHHHHHHHHHH! Save me from the crazy/angry/insane fairy! By reviewing!**

**Navi: NOOOO! Reviews! My one weakness!**


	3. Deku Baba

**It seems as though someone has misunderstood what I'm making, which is a multi-one-shot, I have no intention of calling this a long fic.**

**Navi: I will find you wherever you are!**

**Me: Damn! You people didn't review enough!**

Link glared at the Deku-baba, which had just risen out of the ground.

He hoped, prayed that _this _monster would be normal!

But, alas, it somehow pulled forth a microphone and started singing woefully into it.

Oh the horror, not only was it not normal, it sang terrific too. How much more suffering must he go through.

"Link, I think the world around us has snapped." Navi said, silently planning suicide.

"I wonder what we've done deserve to be the only sane people around?" he said back.

Just as they turned to leave, Joe and another stalfos jumped down in front of them.

"Shall we dance?" Joe courtly asked his kinsman.

"Why, that sounds absolutely splendid." the _female _stalfos replied.

Then they… _tap-danced! _

Link ran screaming around in circles and Navi ran off with another fairy and they got fifteen small fluff-balls which they named: Fro, Blo, Gro, Flo, Bro, Tso, Bob, Matilde, Kawalawa, Oinka, Oinko, Plop,

Fliff, and, well, they're still arguing about that. The father wants to call him Joe, but Navi always fly screaming around in circles, giving no reason.

Link, in the meantime, had started the most successful clothing-business in all of Hyrule. And why does it have so much success, you ask?

Well, that's frankly because… IT'S THE ONLY DAMNED ONE! NONE IN HYRULE, NOT EVEN THE PRINCESS, CAN BUY THEIR CLOTHING ANYWHERE ELSE IN ALL OF THE LAND!

Outside of Hyrule is a whole other matter.

**I know, not my best one yet, actually it's pretty awful.**

**Navi: I'm a mother?! What have you done, wretched human! I will cut you to shreds.**

**Me: REVIEW! Even if you tell me that it stinks, at least it can save me from this crazy fluff-ball! HELP!**

**Navi: NOOOO! Reviews! My one weakness!**


	4. GhostThingy

****

Hmm… I think I'll try a different time.

Navi: You better! If you make me insane once more I'll…

Me: Thanks, Navi! You just gave me an idea! I do not own The Legend of Zelda, nor will I ever do.

Link, from Windwaker, looked at one of those ghost-thingies that you have to blast with light. Or rather, he stared at one of those ghost-thingies dancing limbo.

"What is… going on…?" he asked, slowly inching away.

The ghost looked at him, it's mask-like face brightening into a genuine smile. "You're here! Now the party can finally begin anew!"

"Wha-?" Link gaped.

"Hey, where's your fairy? I tell ya, she was a better dancer than you could ever be!"

Link started twitching.

"But you're a good sight cuter, ya know." another ghost-thingy came up to them. "How did ya do that, I remember you as though you were older."

Link twitched.

"But really, what happened to ya fairy? I was going to ask her out, you know?" the first ghost- thingy made and exasperated movement of his arms.

Link twitched so much his shield fell clanging to the floor.

The ghost-thingies still didn't notice anything amiss. "Well, that doesn't matter!" one said extravagantly. "Let's get some party supplies!"

Out of nowhere, a lot of tables, drinks, food, a disco-ball, and some terrible pop-music appeared. (Me: I'm not insulting the genre of music, this is just a terrible individual… though I personally prefer older music than pop.)

Link's eyes widened dangerously as he twitched like never before in the history of twitching.

Then… he screamed, turned, started running, slipped on his shield, skated all the way out the temple, far over the ocean, and landed on the pirate ship, right in front of Tetra.

"Link?" she asked puzzled, blinking rapidly. "What are you doing… on my ship… in the middle of the day?"

"Tetra?" he looked at her, then clung to her, his eyes wide with fear. "They wanted me to DANCE!" he squealed like a pig. "And… and-they-talked-about-fairies-and-dating-them-and-me-looking-cuter-and-me-being-beaten-in-dancing-by-a-fairy-and…" Tetra couldn't understand the rest.

Suddenly, an OoT-fairy appeared out off nowhere. "Hey, where's the party?" she said, sounding disappointed.

Then the party from the temple popped up at the ship, it was suddenly night, Link and Tetra was making out behind the mast, Gonzo was crying like a baby, and Navi was lecturing all her fifteen children in how to act at a party.

"Just flirt as shamelessly as possible!" she howled. "And if you haven't made out at least twice HIC I'm gonna be disappointed in ya!" then she swallowed another bottle of wine in one gulp.

Her oldest, Fro, shrugged. "Whatever you say, Mommy." then all the kids went off to party like they had never partied before.

… Which really doesn't say that much, considering their mother would never allow this when sober.

Well, she wasn't… so she was hitting on Tael, talking to Link about the good old days, and yelling at people for talking to her daughters, even though they didn't even looked at them.

All in all, it was a very good party.

… Except for the three ghost-thingies that tried to commit suicide… needless too say that they failed miserably.

****

I'm so sorry for the late update, but it was a funny update.

Navi: (Twitches while slowly growing scarlet.)

Me: Uh… somebody, save me from the fairy. (Tries to sneak off.)

Navi: WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING, YOU FILTHY DOG?! COME BACK HERE!

Me: ARHHHHHHHH! HELP MEEEEEEE!! (Runs away.)


	5. Nothing Particularly

****

Me: Ready for more wacky adventures?

Navi: … You have a death wish.

Me: No I don't.

Navi: Why else would you move out into the open once more?

Me: Uh… I'm to prone to please?

Navi: Sure. (Revs up motor saw.)

Me: HEEEELP MEEEEEEE! I do not own!

Navi: Get back here!

Me: Never!

Link: Roll film!

Link just had a regular day, no monsters, no damsels in distress, a lot of screaming fangirls, though…

Zelda's gonna be mad… maybe not, she's in the crowd and… is tossing all the rest of them into the ocean... and kicking, really bad. Seriously, she couldn't kick a rubber duck. Laugh at her people… OW! Get off of my back! She's still good at tossing people though. OW! Zelda! Stop doing that or I'll (CENSORED!) CENSORED!) (CENSORED!)

Zelda stops maiming people and instead hires lawyers that "proves" that she's married to Link… get that idiot out of here! No, I don't need a lawyer!

Anyway, for now, we'll ignore Link. He's… busy.

Link walks by talking in a cell phone. "No, sell. Buy more of that! We have no need for that junk! As expensive as possible, do I have to do everything myself?!"

Yup, busy. Now, Malon.

"I like HOOOORSEEEEEYYSSSS!"

Malon?

"My horsey!"

Why did you just choke it, then?

"What? HOOOORSEEEEEY!! NOOOO!!" Malon breaks down crying like a little baby.

Okay… Talon!

"My cuckoos!" Talon hugs cuckoos, though without killing them. "I love you all so much!" walks upstairs with cuckoos while mumbling stuff. "… and I'll find a way to make you human, yes I will."

I don't know that man.

Malon sees her father. "Neither do I."

Girl, you have to face the facts. He's your daddy… get over Link.

"What?! Never!"

Never what? Never face the facts or never get over Link?

"Number two… and why should I?"

Because he seems to enjoy being married to Zelda…

Malon runs off crying.

Wow… I'm mean today, I feel down. Hey, look at all those reviews… and they're all absolutely positive! I love you guys!

Random OC of mine walks in on the scene and takes over the talker's place.

I just thought you'd like to know that that's the girliest I've seen her act…

Authoress comes jumping by. "Reviews!"

… Forget about her…

"I can take over the world on reviews alone! Not to mention torture Navi until she… dumberniks!"

Dumberniks? That's a Danish word you blab!

"And blab is a word that can't possibly be a real insult! Hah!" authoress walks off to take over the world… and fails.

That's probably all for the better…hey, is that ice cream? (Random OC gets high on sugar…)

Zelda takes over the position as speaker.

I'm the third up here? What happened to the last?

Random OC, also known as Juria, comes running by. "Her TV wants to send me of to Sweden! And her Wii wants to have me eat vegetables! They're evil! And her chair wants to kill me!"

"No they don't, Juria!" authoress hugs Wii and TV protectively. "They were just kidding! Besides, nothing's wrong with vegetables."

"But your TV told me it wanted to send me off to Sweden!"

"Don't listen to it!" Juria and Religion fights.

Navi flies up to me. "Hey, Zelda? You do know that Juria is your daughter in Religion's other fic, 'Reversed Goodness', right?"

She's what?!

Get your hands of my daughter, you (CENSORED!)

"Apparently not… I'll just take up her position for now."

Then Navi flies off to become queen of Hyrule… then who's thinking this?

Anyway, except for Ruto trying to steal Link, nothing else happened for the rest of the day. Bye!

****

Oh my… sweet Marduk, what is going on here? This is so unlike anything else in this story!

Navi (Still queen): Bring me my hot cocoa and…

Zelda and Juria (Breaks down door): Return our crown, bug! You have no right to rule these lands!

Me: O.O Review…


	6. Again, Nothing Particularly

**I'm bored, so here goes!**

**Navi: (Fights chains in a corner.) YOU (CENSORED!) I'LL (CENSORED!) AND SMACK A DEAD TUNA IN YOUR FACE!**

**Me: Uh… I don't own the Legend of Zelda… I wonder where she got the tuna…**

One completely regular, also known as boring, morning. Link was so bored that he was poking his tree house.

Suddenly… an angry baker came running by, Navi fleeing from him. "Help MEEEEEEE!" she cried.

Link looked up, then down again.

Epona trotted up to him, wearing a ridiculous party-hat. "I'mmmmmmmm… MAGICAL!" the mare cried, kicking. "I can fly!"

Suddenly a banana chorus appeared. "She can flyyyyyy!" they sang.

"I can puke." Link said dryly.

"He can puuuuuuke!" the bananas sang.

"I'm gonna get killed!" Navi shrieked as she kept fleeing from the fat baker.

"She's gonna get kiiiiilleeeed!" the bananas continued singing.

Zelda blinked confused at the bunch. "What am I doing here? I was…" she stopped when she realized that she had been doing stand-up comedy. "Oh, Goddesses."

That's when… Mido came by and kicked Link. "What have you done to her?!" he shrieked, sounding more girlish than Navi had. "She's…She's eating BANANAS!" he started crying.

"Who?"

"Saria!" he pointed to the green haired girl who was eating bananas… the singing bananas.

"She's a kiiillleeeeerrr!" the few surviving ones sang.

Then Ganondorf appeared. "You're barking mad!" he exclaimed when he saw what the forest spirit was doing. She just looked up at him with innocent eyes. "… Will you marry me? Together, we can take over the world!"

Saria shrugged. "Okay."

Three weeks later, they had taken over the world and… built day-cares? No, wait. It's happy mask shops. Looks the same.

Ganondorf laughed evilly.

Saria giggled… meanly.

Mido cried like a baby.

And Link… he glared at an ice-cream and was thrown out the window by Zelda.

And that's how the world is.

**O.O I promise I won't write more until I've gotten an idea more like the other chapters.**

**Navi: I'M GONNA (CENSORED!) (CENSORED!) WITH A CARVING KNIFE!**

**Me: ARHHHHHHHH! Revieeeeeew!**


	7. Ganondorf

**I'm back!**

**Navi: YOU!**

**Me: Uh oh… I own nothing!**

**Navi: COME BACK HERE!**

Link was having a discussion with Zelda about some economy stuff when all of a sudden…

The door blasts open and Ganondorf enters with an evil laugh! … Shortly followed by a series of coughing. "Really, why does a HUGE cloud of dust always have to appear whenever the villain enters?" the evil guy said in the most feminine voice possible. "I'm just saying that it's getting boring!"

Zelda fainted when she saw the former usurper of Hyrule; He was wearing the pinkest gown he could fit in to, with a hat of matching colour that just happened to also be the biggest hat in Hyrule and had five feathers sticking out off the back. Link, though, started choking on his laughter… And died of it.

"Hah! I knew my plan would work!" Ganondorf shouted, pumping his fist in the air. "With the Hero of Time gone and the Queen incapacitated, nothing can stop me!" this speech was followed by some evil laughter (this time he didn't choke). The evil overlord then looked at his clothes with disdain and _ripped_ the dress off… Only to be left an lady's underwear. "How embarrassing." With that, the man also _ripped_ the feminine underwear off. This time, he stood in his armour… Which fell off him.

Zelda woke to the noise and died of brain damage when she saw Ganondorf standing in his (really, his own) underwear.

"What? Can't she stand my hotness?" the only one alive in the room then proceeded to do something _so_ humiliating that this author cannot write it, this embarrassing action was followed by some music turning on, and the Gerudo singing "I'm too sexy for my shirt"… Although it was probably the other way around, if truth be told.

All the while, Navi sat eating pop-corn whilst watching some horribly cliché action movie. "He shot the head of a swan… Go evil dude!"

Link sat in the corner, crying horribly while all this happened. "I hate my life!" he cri… Wait a second! He's dead, right? Link was suddenly swallowed by a giant worm, who howled like King Kong (Start the drums, please!)

"Quiet, you! I'm trying to watch this!" Navi shouted and threw the Master Sword straight into the worm's head… So it died of blood loss.

Then Ganondorf danced by (which made Navi go even more insane) and sang: "I'm too sexy for this story…" he was interrupted when a bomb landed on him and knocked him out. What? You expected it to explode? Well, dream on, kiddos!

****

… That was seriously weird…

Navi: I am going to kill you for making me watch that!

Me: You'll kill me for so much else! Wait… REVIEW! PLEASE! (Is carried away by Navi.) SHE'LL TORTURE ME NOOO…

Navi: MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Only reviews can save you now!

Me: … This is getting old…


	8. Strange Gathering

**I somehow managed to get away from her. I own nada.**

Navi: FILTHY HUMAN SCUM! I CAN SMELL YOU, YOU REEK OF REVIEWS!

Me: But you can't smell reviews… That's one of the reason it's your weakness.

Navi: Hah! I knew if I just said something illogical enough, you'd reveal your hideout!

Me: I'm an idiot… Obviously and very clearly. (Tries fleeing from insane fairy.)  
  
All the Zelda character (including several Links and several Zelda's and a few Ganondorf's) were watching an anime by the name of BLEACH.

"AAH! That guy stole my sword!" Link cried, pointing accusingly at the main character, who carried a huge sword, which looked nothing like any of the Links' sword.

"Shut up, Link!" all the different helpers (including Epona and the King of the Red Lions) roared. And then Ganondorf _ripped_ off his dress! Why he was wearing a dress was quite the mystery, especially since it was quite a beautiful piece of clothing… Oh! And then he laughed evilly and rode off towards the sunset, leaving a huge hole in the wall and taking Epona with him, for utterly unknown reasons.

"Now THAT guy took my horse!" and all the Links instantly ran off to catch the villain! Except the Hero of Winds, for his companion still lay on the floor.

"Why are you still here?" one of the other Ganondorf's asked him, scratching his balding head (and _ripped_ off his dress).

"I don't like the horse, is all." Link said, stretching. "How 'bout you?" he asked, turning to one of the Zelda's (not quite sure which one...).

"I actually rather liked her, she helped tremendously in saving Hyrule. Twice." the Zelda answered, shrugging slightly.

"Well, _I_ saved Hyrule loads of time! And loads of other places, too!" Link boasted.

"_You_ didn't. All the different Links did. Epona, on the other hand, was always the same." And so the two got into a dramatic fight ("Did not!" "Did too!" etc.), which nearly caused the start of the first Hyrulian-world-war!

"Epic..." said Tatl, who tried to pull her brother out from underneath the couch (with very little success), all the while being quite serious. "Come out here, you coward!"

"I'd rather dress up as a butterfly!" came from underneath the couch.

Tatl tried to retaliate, only to be interrupted by a horde of screaming Links. "BUUUUUTTEERFLIIIIEESS!" and then they ran right throught the wall, drowned in butter, and was shot with coooooookies.

Then Tetra yelled at them to shut up and watched the good guy beat some bad guys.

**Seriously, dumbest and strangest thing I've ever written. Remember to do the good deed of the day by reviewing and saving an author from a violent death by fairy. Namely me!**

Navi: Don't listen to her! Let me get my revenge and conquer the earth!

Me: But you weren't even in this chapter!


	9. Flying Spaghetti Monster

**Navi is busy making plans for conquering the world... WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! Oh, I don't own The Legend of Zelda titles or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, I just love causing chaos with them.**

In a land far, far away a hero lay dying. Of the fatal illness: other peoples' insanity.

More specificially, the insanity of a certain princess of Hyrule. What? No, not Zelda! Come on, why does everything has to be about her? No this was... Ahh... Nolam! What do you mean that doesn't sound feminine? And what are you talking about saying it's 'Malon' spelled backwards? It's most certainly not!

And the hero? It's most certainly... Actually, I'm not sure who it is... It might be Link, and it might not...

Anyway, this poor hero was dying.

Then he died. The end.

Except that Nolam danced by throwing fairies about while singing some song or another that had nothing to do with anything. Then one of the fairies bit her ankle, she fell, and landed head first in a banana-cream pie.

And in ridiculously huge letters, they wrote "She drowned happily in pie. A ridiculously huge pie"

Then the Flying Spaghetti Monster appeared, threw a few meatballs around, turned everybody into pirates, and did something else equally ridiculous.

Then he sacrificed his life to return Link to life (yelling something about being totally wasted and saving the world from superior being) and disappeared, leaving only a broken trail of ketchup in his wake.

Then Zelda sang a very sad opera, got a giant encore, and was crowned queen. Then Link married a Zora and traumatized all his coming reincarnations for life. Then his insanity was cured and he married Joe.

The end, =p

**Ah, that was fun to write. Does anyone want a cookie?**

**Navi: There you are!  
**

**Me: I haven't done anything to you for quite a while, get over it!  
**

**Navi: Never! You stand between me and world domination!  
**

**Me: What world? (Makes a hasty retreat.)**


End file.
